I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Randomize
