I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
