somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
