Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
