never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
