I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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