i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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