My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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