the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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