Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
