I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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