Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
