Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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