White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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