Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize