I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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