So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Too much gin, very little bucket
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
