Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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