By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
