there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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