we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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