True but thats because hes a fetus.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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