I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize