Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
