I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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