I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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