champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's the barista slut.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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