you guys were way drunker than both of me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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