just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
