every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
