Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
