Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
