in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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