OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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