I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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