Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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