I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
