And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
