The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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