White coat. Heels.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
