Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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