; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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