is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he fucked my hip out of place.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
