I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
