Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
