I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
