I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
