There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
