youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
