I want to stick my p in your. b.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
