I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
