What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
