Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
