I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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