Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
