honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize