My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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