Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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