mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
