I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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