i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
