yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
