He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
