Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
